So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
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