I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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