What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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