FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
