Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
