My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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