my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
