why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
