When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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