half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
