remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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