My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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