It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
