my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Boobs speak an international language.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
