haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
