drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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