Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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