guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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