The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
