Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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