do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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