Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
