yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
