i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
