just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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