do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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