Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
