I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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