He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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