I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
