At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
