The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
