I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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