Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize