Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He did a backflip because drugs
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
