On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
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