He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
