Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize