mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
