You made me cry and you don't even care
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
operation have a gay friend backfired
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
