After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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