and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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