she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
