He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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