You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
