I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
