im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
