so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
