I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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