I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
