Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize