So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize