Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
