I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You made out with two different species that night
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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