Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
