so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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