im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
