I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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