What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
