you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
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