life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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