rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
