Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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