respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i want to swaddle you in tequila
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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