Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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