Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
