My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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