conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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