I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
