her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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