this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
