turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
