pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
